Saturday, January 8, 2011

Should we register for gifts?

For a normal wedding, the answer to this is absolutely yes... but what about for a couple who is renewing their vows?

Earlier this week I was discussing our wedding planning with a close friend and colleague of mine, and she asked me if we were going to register for gifts.  Up until that moment, we hadn't really given it any thought.  We had sort of just assumed, since we kept our elopement secret for so long, that we didn't really deserve gifts and didn't have the right to ask for any, and therefore didn't need to register.  After all, the reason we are having this ceremony is so that we can share our love for each other with our families and they can participate in our happiness, not so that we can load up on free stuff!

I explained all this to my friend, but she pointed out that some people (meaning herself) are going to insist upon getting us a gift, and that we really should at least have an idea of something that we want or could use, so that they don't get us something we hate.  I started thinking about her point, but I still don't feel comfortable advertising to our family and friends that we are registered, because we don't want people to feel like they have to get us something.  We truly just want to spend a fun celebratory day with them.

After some discussion, we came up with two ideas:
1. Register, but don't advertise that we have registered (meaning - we won't put a little note in with the invitations like I have seen some other people do).  Then, if someone asks us we can tell them where we are registered, but people who weren't planning to get us a gift won't feel obligated or guilty if they see a little registration card.
2. Don't register, and then if people ask us about gifts, we could say that we don't need or want anything, and we would instead like it if they would donate to a charity of their choice.

We still have to make a decision about this, but one of the things I am quickly learning about planning a wedding, is that just when you thought you had it all under control, there will be something else to plan for!

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